“It’s not me, it’s you….”
I know that what I just wrote was trite, but in this situation, it really isn’t me.
It’s you.
See, I came to you on the rebound. After a seven-year relationship, dating back to my days in the Bronx, the long distance relationship just became a bit too much. I essentially scheduled my weekends around my ex. I would be forced to leave my New Jersey home early on Saturday mornings, only to arrive in Washington Heights to find out that my ex wasn’t ready to see me yet.
Then I tried to be slick and catch my ex on Sunday mornings, but even then, my ex would be late for a variety of reasons…hanging out too late the night before, not receiving my phone call the night before, or simply not checking messages. My ex knew how much I loved my Atlanta Braves in summer and New Orleans Saints in the fall, but wasn’t well-versed in sports to understand my “schedule” My ex could care less about politics. But most unsettling of all, my ex has a very myopic view of relationships.
Essentially, we were doomed to fail because my ex just didn’t get “me”.
That’s when I came to you on a nice fall afternoon two years ago.
Saw you inside the nicely scrubbed storefront and entered.
I was straightforward. I told you my name and simply told you what I wanted. (I was never known for having much game. Those who I met before you attest to that.)
The cool part was that I didn’t ask for too much more than you could handle. Soon, we fell into a nice routine.
I’d send you a text or quick phone, normally on Saturday mornings. And you’d let me know if you were free. If you weren’t, you’d be quick to let me know what time you’d be ready. You knew that I am a busy man and don’t want to spend too much time waiting.
Two years later, it’s time for us to come to an end.
See, like most men in their late 30s, I know exactly what I want out of a relationship. Always looking for perfection. I’ve learned that perfection can never be found, but I can make certain to come damned close.
To quote my favorite line from Georg Levin, “I’ve found somebody new who has a different view on what we’ve had…”
(And by “we”, I’m mean you and me.)
The new person is everything you desire to be and could be one day. Sadly, you’re not that now.
This person does exactly what I ask. No questions asked. They take an interest in me – something you’ve never done. They’re reliable. Dependent. And not up for childish games. Most importantly, I’m not a hobby to them.
I know you’re young, but a song from the New Jack group, Guy comes to mind: “So here’s the news…I’m ghost. I’m outta here! Long gone! The Lover went and left, so baby, you stay strong…” (The Overweight Lover is often apropos in these situations.)
By the way, my new barber has led me to get great reviews…so much so that my old students, new clients, boss, even The Muse, notice the change in my haircut, shave, and general appearance.
In other words, yes, it really was you.
Not me.
